10:17am

Wow it has been forever since I’ve posted on here!

Life has been pretty swell at the moment. School is always the same, but I’ve had a positive experience this year :) I guess I’m somewhat content with everything.

But yesterday was something else…
The amount of adrenalin I felt during that time was crazy. I didn’t think that I would make it out alive haha. This is probably the first time I am so grateful for your significant other or else hell would have broke loose. Another blessing in disguise was that I came later. Only God knows what would have happened if I ran into your creator. I guess this is the last time I’ll ever visit that place without proper invitation. It’s definitely a sign from above. But what you did to me was worth it.

2:04pm

I want to vent so bad to someone about my situation, but I’d probably be judged. That’s why I express my thoughts and feelings on here.

11:42pm

The earliest I’ve ever written a post. Well looks like you have someone else to lean on. That’s cool I guess. I’m not surprised with this outcome. Luck or fate isn’t really on my side. Ever. I guess I’m back to you. I thought I was able to escape you, but I guess not. Something about you draws me further in and I can’t help but give in. Not because I need to but because I want to. That long talk we had just made me realize how much we have in common and it’s crazy that these topics just flowed so nice. It’s too good to be true. Maybe one day you’ll realize that what’s with you isn’t real and that what’s waiting for you is completely real. There’s no doubt that you feel something. You’re lying if you deny this. I know the real you and what you’ve gone through. But you’re blinded like the rest of them. It’s too bad. I let you take something away from me that I can never get back and I hope that meant something to you. I know you don’t want to hurt her but by doing this, you already have. It’s pathetic how I think that things will work out eventually when they never do. I always tell myself that patience is key, but how long can I actually wait? This is your last chance to do the right thing and let go before I do. I promise that when you do, I’ll let everyone know that the wait was worth it and that I won’t be afraid anymore.

3:09am

Hi, we don’t really know each other that well, but I would like to get to know you. You seem like a very kind gentleman who has grown up with good morals. I also like that you have a really good sense of humour. You are very easy to talk to. Maybe one day we’ll bump into each other or maybe we won’t. I’m hoping for the former. You’re also good looking, which is a bonus! You seem hurt from the past and it really sucks because I know how that feels. I hope that one day we get to meet up and have the opportunity to know each other a little better. I would love that. Maybe I could help you forget the pain you once felt. I hope the feeling is mutual…

2:09am

Time to drop this person and move on to someone who will be there physically and emotionally for me.

Ughhhhh

My grades are slipping so hard right now FUCK! This is actually making me so depressed  :’(. I studied hard for these two things and that’s the result i get??!!? I honestly don’t know what to do anymore with my life. Throughout school, I’ve worked and studied hard and got the results I desired, but now everything has been such a disappointment. It has come to the point where I’m second guessing my program. I feel like all i can do now is burry my head in books and not have any social interaction at all. Never felt like this about school till now. So pissed off right now.   

2nd Year

Everything will be in bullets because i’m lazy af right now:

8:55pm

so turns out he wants to see me :) i could have seen him yesterday, but i didn’t. it’s just a little test to see if he’ll free up his day anytime this week. lets see what happens.

RANTrantrantrantrantrant

dear mother,

i’m sorry my grades aren’t up to par. you don’t know how difficult it is to keep up with everything. it’s my first year so please spare me. i will aim higher for the next years to come. 

ps. don’t blame my low grades on things like technology

11:39 am

so yeah….those feelings came back again, but this time i wanted to see what he would say or try to do. i wasn’t going to make any sort of effort because:

  1. we’re nothing
  2. i didn’t want others in the room to start instigating 

damn, i wish my mom left after she dropped me off, but she stuck around and waited till i was done hanging out with my nieces and nephews. we would have taken the bus together and it would have given us time to clear things up or whatever. whyyyy does this always happen? and with my mom in the room, i couldn’t really do anything because she’ll start thinking things. i kind of felt bad because i was pretty much ignoring him, but i didn’t mean to. i hope he understands my situation 

he did try to tell me something, but then one of my nephews was coming. i wanted to ask him what he was trying to say, but i don’t think i’m going to bother. if it was really important he would make an effort to tell me by any means.